Can I Change A Life?

Conversion Diary: I'm writing a book! - The diary of a former atheist

2009-04-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

My favorite blogger is writng a book. Her blog already changes lives. Even reader comments have potential to make a difference. Check out the link about her book, but stay awhile once you're there.

Conversion Diary: I'm writing a book! - The diary of a former atheist

Grateful

2008-11-27T21:07:00.001-08:00

This Thanksgiving day, I'm not sure where to start to express my gratitude. There are so many who have enriched my life this year.

There are people I didn't even know existed at this time last year, one in particular who I have known only a little over a year, people who have made a difference in a short time. You know who you are.

There are those of you whom I have never met. Some I will never meet. One I met once, and will likely never see again. You also know who you are. It's amazing how important people in different states and different countries can become.

Family, as always, has been important this year, the family I live with and those I grew up with. I also continue to be grateful for long-term friends, those who have stuck by me for decades.

I hope all of you know how important you have been. If you don't, I need to find a better way to express myself.

The best part of my life is the people in it. Thank you, my friends, for making such a difference to me.

2008-11-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

This blog is about somebody who I suspect will change my life. I know he will be changing others. It's written by a young man, Lt. Philip Gerard Johnson, who has recently been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.

His faith humbles me. It's also something I strive for.

I found his blog through InsideCatholic.com. This is a man destined to inspire all of us and hopefully persuade us to more fully walk with Jesus. If you only have time for one blog, this is the one to follow.

You can read it at In Caritate Non Ficta. This young lieutenant isn't going to leave this world without first showing us all how to grow closer to God.

I can't imagine any greater way to live.

Could You Do This?

2008-08-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

I read a story today that pretty much leaves me speechless. It's about a man willing to donate both a lung and a kidney to somebody who needed them. And he makes it sound easy.

I'm completely humbled. Here's the link: Living Donation

Giving Beyond The Grave

2008-08-07T20:27:00.001-07:00

Anybody who's read much of my blog knows I've been a fan of Dan Fogelberg for many years. Now his wife, Jean, has provided an easy way for people to make a difference in an enjoyable way.

On Valentine's Day 2005, Dan presented his wife with a CD labeled "Sometimes A Song." All proceeds from sales of this song go to prostate cancer research. You can find it here.

If you're a Fogelberg fan, you'll enjoy the song. If you don't know much about his music, this is a good place to start.

You can also go to this page at The Living Legacy if you plan to order anything from Amazon.com. Jean Fogelberg is contributing any money earned through her amazon.com affiliate to prostate cancer research.

Both of these are ways to be a hero while enjoying yourself in the process.

Matthew 25 Project

2008-04-18T06:51:00.001-07:00

I can't resist sharing this video. Its' too good to pass up.

For those who don't already know it, the song is "On Fire" by Switchfoot. I've loved this song as long as I've known it.

This video is an extremely touching way to remind us of something we should be thinking more about.

February 26

2008-02-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today my Mom left us for heaven.

She spent her last 10 years in increasing pain. We never realized quite the depth of it until after she passed. She left writings behind. Now we have a much clearer picture.

She was an incredibly stong woman.

I should rejoice for her, but I'm only human and the loss is still too great.

Yet she continues to teach me. In my faith journey, I realize that I can't be complacent in a faith that can't get beyond myself and my loss. I cannot yet be joyous for her.

My grief is more about my selfishness and less about love. I miss seeing her, talking to her, sharing everything with her. That's all about me.

I'm realizing that shedding selfishness is going to be a lifelong journey, but a worthwhile one.

One day I want to be able to love my Mom and all the others in my life with a love that truly celebrates their joy, especially when they have the joy of heaven.

In the meantime, to nobody's surprise, when I turned on my mp3 player this morning, a Switchfoot song was playing. The song was Let Your Love Be Strong from the Oh! Gravity CD. It seems appropriate today.

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Jeremy Gray Gives His Life

2008-01-08T17:24:00.001-08:00

I won't normally blog about the same thing on two of my blogs, but this one is special. It's about somebody who gave his life for a child.

Anybody who gives their life for another is worth mentioning. I wish I could say I'd do the same.

Here's the beginning of the story:

A Kiwi priest has died a hero after sacrificing his life for a 7-year-old boy drowning off the coast of New Caledonia. Jeremy Gray, 29, was walking in shallow water with the boy while on a New Year's church picnic celebration, when the pair fell into a hole in a coastal reef at Yate, near Noumea.Neither of them saw the hole because the water was muddied by the recent rainy season floods. They were trapped by the swirling seas.Gray managed to push the boy out of the deep water and back into the shallows and, despite being tired from his efforts, refused to take the youngster's outstretched hand."Jeremy shouted 'go back, go back'. He knew he would pull the small boy back into the water and they would both die," said Father Bernard Girol, one of those at the picnic."He used all his energy to save the boy and he got tired. It was Jeremy who saved his life."

You can find more at "Yes, I'm Catholic" or read the full story at NZHerald

Dan Fogelberg Left Us

2007-12-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

I always wondered what it would be like to go to one of Dan Fogelberg's concerts. We were going to go on his last tour, but it was cancelled because he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

The Living Legacy will be creating a memorial fund in Dan's name with the Prostate Cancer Foundation. This is a good cause even if you weren't a fan of his.

Dan would like that.

Singers can have such an influence on our lives. Tonight I'm grieving a man I never met, a man who doesn't know I exist, and all because of the music he brought to my life.

I love the heart in his music. That's why it meant so much to me.

My thoughts and prayers will stay with the family for some time to come.

Grief is difficult. I wish there was an easier way to leave this planet, a way that left us able to connect with our loved ones.

Dan's family, though, has the comfort of knowing that his life made a difference to others. If I died today, I don't know if my family would have that same comfort. I'd like to think so, but I just don't know.

Would your loved ones be able to say that about you? Have you made a difference in the world? Have you made a difference to them?

I'm finding words difficult tonight. I think I'll just close with one of my favorite songs of Dan's called Nether Lands.

Nether Lands

High on this mountain
The clouds down below
I'm feeling so strong and alive
From this rocky perch
I'll continue to search
For the wind and the snow and the sky
Oh I want a lover and I want some friends
And I want to live in the sun
And I want to do all the things that I never have done

Sunny bright mornings and pale moonlit nights
Keep me from feeling alone
Now I'm learning to fly and this freedom is like
Nothing that I've ever known
Oh I've seen the bottom and I've been on top
But mostly I've lived in between
And where do you go when you get to the end of your dream
Off in the Nether Lands I heard the sound
Like the beating of heavenly wings
And deep in my brain I can hear a refrain
Of my soul as she rises and sings
Anthems to glory and anthems to love
And hymns filled with earthly delight
Like the songs that the darkness composes to worship the light

Once in a vision I came on some woods
And stood at a fork in the road
My choices were clear yet I froze with the fear
Of not knowing which way to go
Oh, one road was simple acceptance of life
The other road offered sweet peace
When I made my decision
My vision became my release

Jon Foreman Sings His Pain

2007-12-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

The Cure For Pain is one of the singles on Jon Foreman's Fall EP. For a short time you can download it free here.I don't know how long this link will last, so I'd suggest you go there now.

Just be prepared. If you've experienced loss or pain (haven't we all?) you'll find this song fits the description of another song title, Killing Me Softly With His Song.

Jon Foreman shared his thoughts about this song, and they're worth reading. We've come to expect honesty from this band, and we see it again in the lead singer.

He gave me an idea for Christmas gifts. First, though, his words:

The Cure For Pain: I wrote this one in Texas on a day off. I was reflecting on the passing of time. I have been playing music in Switchfoot for about ten years. During that period, I have been fighting pain or running away from it in a myriad of ways. And yet the pain is a constant. I have had some amazing moments singing gravity away but the water keeps on falling.

I began to think the suffering I see around me, I think of the pain of a grandmother dying of cancer. Of a friend killed by a train. I think of the pain of death, of failure, of rejection, the pain of a father losing his only son. And I came to the conclusion that I cannot run from pain any longer.

Most of us experience pain, but we find that others don't want to hear about it when we're hurting.

A classic example is with death. I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating.

My Mom passed in early 2006. I still miss her terribly, as does my daughter. Yet people started telling my daughter to get over her a week after she went back to school.

It's not just kids who do that, though. The first person to tell me to stop grieving did so 3 weeks after she passed.

Three weeks. Three weeks of grieving for the a woman who was there from before my first breath, who raised me secure in her love, who extended that same love to her grandkids and largely influenced who I am as a parent.

Three weeks.

It's not just loss, though. Nobody wants to hear when somebody is hurting. Maybe it's because we're running from our own pain.

If you want to give a great gift this year, find somebody who needs your compassion. Then listen to them, really listen. Don't try to solve their problems, just be there for them. I can tell you from experience that just one person can make a difference.

Maybe it will even help you to ease any pain of your own.

-----

My book is due at the publishers in a few days. I hope to write more between then and Christmas, but I still have shopping to do.

For those of you who have respected my grieving, you've given me a great gift. You are rare people. To all of you, Merry Christmas.

Fall

2007-11-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

Jon Foreman has a way with words, not just in his songs, but in everything he says.

His first solo EP, Fall, was released today. It's a pretty special CD to start with, but I can already tell that it's going to be one of those offerings that gets better each time you listen.

One of the things that draws me to the CD is his consistency. The things he says in interviews and through his blogs show us a lot about his character. His music shows the same consistency.

This is taken from his blog today:

That's my hope for these tunes: that they serve you. Let these songs wash your feet off.

He also posted a bulletin on MySpace that I want to quote:

But on another level the independence bit is only partially true. None of us are fully autonomous. Ever. We need each other, thank God! I'm thankful that I've been given these songs. I'm thankful that many of you have really believed in our music as a band over the years. I'm thankful that God has given me pockets and something to put in em. I'm thankful for my family, for tim, chad, drew, and romey. I guess I'm saying that we're never completely independent. We all need each other.

You could think that this is just PR, saying what he thinks will help sell his music. That could be true, but I doubt it.

I doubt it because I've had the pleasure of meeting him (and the rest of Switchfoot) a few times now, and that's just how they are.

I doubt it because I get unsolicited emails from people. Once they realize you're a fan of Switchfoot, they tell you stories. Jon Foreman has touched people in ways he doesn't even realize.

What makes it even better is that his bandmates are just like him that way. Sometimes I wonder if they have any idea what they do for people.

This blog was intended to highlight those who make the world better by doing things for others without even knowing it. I realize Switchfoot is beginning to appear here fairly frequently. There's a reason for that.

I'll never have the vast influence Switchfoot and Jon Foreman have. I'll never be able to make people think the way they can.

I can contribute, though, through introducing them to others.

That's why you'll be seeing more posts about them here. That's also why you'll see a few comments in my book about them.

I love the music, but even more I love that they have proven you can achieve fame and still keep your values.

I suggest you check out the Fall EP. For now it's available only through downloads, but you can get hard copies in January.

You can purchase it at JonForeman.com

If you like music that makes you think, music that you'll find something different in each time you listen, Fall is a great choice.

I realize I didn't talk much about the songs on the EP. Switchfoot fans, please feel free to post your impressions. Readers who aren't familiar with Switchfoot will beneift.

Burning

2007-10-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Some people think that God doesn't give us desires we can't fulfill. If this is true, I have something more destined for my life...but I need a little guidance.

What do you do when your longing for something just increases with every passing year, but you still don't know what to do about it?

I ache to make a difference in the world, to have it be a better place because I was here. I've been blessed with a lot of good people in my life. I've seen a lot of beauty. I want to give back.

I've tried elsewhere to describe my burning to be a music performer again. I'm learning guitar (because woodwinds aren't very useful unless you're playing in an orchestra), but that doesn't mean I'll ever find a way to perform again. Playing an instrument just makes the desire grow stronger.

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change

I think of those words from Switchfoot's song 24 a lot. (It's on The Beautiful Letdown CD.) I just don't know what to do about it.

I'm writing a book (due to the publisher in December) about music careers. I know there are other books about that topic and I wouldn't have proposed it to the publisher, but he came to me. I'm glad he did.

The other books are good, but they're basically reference books. Each one has it's own strengths, and all are great for getting ideas you may not have thought of, but they lack the passion that I am putting into my book.

I'm trying to help readers realize that they have to be true to themselves, even (and especially) in their careers. Music can be incredibly powerful, so it's not a field to go into just because you think you can make some money.

The best way to be happy in your career is to do something meaningful. My book will show how each job can contribute to something that impacts others. I want to help readers find a career that doesn't entail giving away their souls.

Maybe I can contribute something to the world through this book. Maybe it will make a difference to somebody.

I'll do my best.

The Holy Longing

2007-07-10T13:56:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been reading The Holy Longingby Ronald Rolheiser. I heard of it through the priest at the church we usually attend. He started a group to talk about it on Thursday nights this summer. Unfortunately, I'm not able to attend the group, but I'm glad I bought the book.

This book touches me on a lot of levels. I'm normally a fast reader, but this one has taken time. There is so much to think about, to contemplate. The book alternates between touching your heart and soul with it's understanding and giving you new ways to look at things.

It grabbed me early on when it talked about desire. I'm going to quote a passage because I could never justify it by trying to describe it.

Whatever the expression, everyone is ultimately talking about the same thing - an unquenchable fire, a restlessness, a longing, a disquiet, a hunger, a loneliness, a gnawing nostalgia, a wildness that cannot be tamed, a congenital all-embracing ache that lies at the center of human experience and is the ultimate force that drives everything else. This disease is universal. Desire gives no exemptions.

It does however admit of different moods and faces. Sometimes it hits us as pain - dissatisfaction, frustration, and aching. At other times its grip is not felt as painful at all, but as a deep energy, as something beautiful, as an inexorable pull, more important than anything else inside us, toward love, beauty, creativity, and a future beyond our limited present. Desire can show itself as aching pain or delicious hope.

First I want to say that the comment about a "gnawing nostalgia" surprised me. Ever since I was a child, when encountering something especially beautfiul (usually related to nature, like one of those perfect sunsets or a day when the breeze on your face is just to perfect for words) I have felt nostalgic. I have often wondered...nostalgic for what? As a child, I hadn't lived enough life yet to be nostaligic for anything in particular, but I was aware of it and wondered about it even then.

Reading this passage was the first time I realized that others felt it, too.

When my faith was strong, when I had no doubt about God's existance, you would think there would be peace, but even then an ache was present. I think it may be an aching for the presence of God.

Yet there was peace, too, along with the "inexorable pull" Father Rolheiser describes. Peace and nostalgia. Peace and an aching restlessness. I could never make sense of it.

In my blog I frequently talk about wanting to make a difference in the world. I realize now that the author's description of desire is exactly how I feel in my drive to make impact the lives of others.

Then there's music, of course. It's always back to music for me. Rolheiser's definition completely describes my experience with music. At a great concert (whether Switchfoot, symphony, or any other moving concert) there's that incredible joy as music fills my soul. Sometimes the beauty seems too perfect to be real. At the same time there's an ache, a longing, in part because the concert can't go on forever and I never want it to stop.

It might be more accurate to say that I don't want the way music fills me to stop.

It was even the same when I played in band in school and college. Sometimes things just click so well when you're performing. All the players seem to understand, to be in sync with each other. The music is effortless and wonderous, and the musicians are one with each other.

At those concerts, it's hard when it's over. As a performer, you are not just a listener but a participant in the music. It's part of you while at the same time it's all around you.

Afterwards, whether attending a concert or performing in one, there's that "concert high" mixed with the low of knowing you have to wait for more...and that, in a way, it is never enough.

In so many ways, music and God are interrelated. I think that God uses music to bring people closer to Him. I think He created something incredibly powerful with music, which is why Satan doesn't hesitate to use it also. As we all know, the power of music can be used to inspire bad as well as good.

Maybe that's why so much of my blog features musicians. They have incredible power to reach others. With that should come responsibility.

Authors can have incredible power, too. Ronald Rolheiser proved that with "The Holy Longing."

I'll probably talk more about this book in future posts. I plan to purchase at least one more book of his.

Now I find myself with one more desire. I want to be able to write as powerfully as Ronald Rolheiser does. I want to touch souls the way he does.

Can Music Change A Life?

2007-05-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

I feel so silly. I've been online for almost as long as online has been available, but I've just now discovered the "post to blog" feature on YouTube.

I guess that's because I don't use YouTube all that much. Now that I see how useful it is can be, I've started a new blog called
Can Music Change A Life? It's going to be filled with videos that affect me and others.

Please feel free to contribute by sending me links to your favorites and how they impact your life. I'd like to make this blog a tribute to the musicians who not only give us great music, but also great memories and great things to think about.

My Chemical Romance

2007-05-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

When my daughter first started listening to My Chemical Romance, I knew I needed to learn more about them. I trust her a lot, but doesn't their name imply approval of drug and alcohol abuse? Why would she like a band like that?

I started by asking her what she liked best about them. She told me it was their passion. I could immediately relate to that. I like most musical genres, but a band doesn't become a favorite unless they sing like they care more about sharing the music than about getting wealthy.

She showed me a DVD about them. In it, they chronicle Gerard Way's struggle with drug and alcohol abuse. Despite their name, this is a band that most definitely does not condone the drug lifestyle. They deliberately used footage that would discourage others. I can't imagine most people allowing others to see them in their worst moments, but this band obviously realizes one of the benefits of having fans. They can use the mistakes in their lives to influence others.

My daughter then played me some of her favorites. She was right when she mentioned passion. This band sounds like they are playing because they need to. It's who they are.

Since that time, some of their songs have become an important part of our lives. The Ghost of You is one example. In that song, there are eight memorable words:

You are never coming home, never coming home

When my mother was in the hospital in the last month of her life, those words haunted me. Every day on the way to visit her they played over and over in my mind. Unfortunately, they proved true. She never did come home. That song still brings back those memories.

Another meaningful song for us is Helena. This song is about Gerard's grandmother. I love it when bands aren't afraid to show love to their families.

There is a casket scene in the Helena video. At one point you can see and hear Gerard choke up for a moment. My daughter watched this over and over after losing her Grandmother. Her friends never understood her grief, but MCR did. They showed that it is right to honor our loved ones in our grief.

MCR has a new CD, The Black Parade. There is a lot to like in it. Here's my favorite part from the title song:

When I was a young boy

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"

He said "Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made?"

In the song Cancer, Gerard is singing about his last days. The key line, which I know is true for many when they are dying, is

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

To some, it might appear that MCR is obsessed by death. The newest CD is, in fact, about a death journey. After seeing how we avoid death in our society, I think a CD like this has a lot to offer.

We need to be able to talk better about death. We need to share our fears and our grief. It seems that when a person grieves, the only thing others want to do is get them to stop.

Maybe that's just a way of trying to help. It's much better to help through understanding. That's one reason why I enjoy this CD.

--------------

For parents who may quote other lines from other songs to convince me of how bad MCR is for kids, I can say that I don't know every word of every song. I just know how they've influenced my daughter, and it's all been positive. I'm sure some kids find the negative.

If you're child is being badly influenced by the music of My Chemical Romance, by all means take the music out of your home. If not, don't judge by their looks and what you may have heard. Ask her what she likes about them. You might be pleasantly surprised.

In closing, here's a quote from Gerard. It must touch some hearts because it's been posted all over the internet.

Hey girls, you're beautiful.

Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise.

Don't let anyone tell you your not good enough.You are too good.

Love your family with all your heart and listen to it.

You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 3 or a size 14. It doen't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others.

I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true. Hey girls, you are beautiful.

Respect

2007-02-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I wrote about John Shore's new book and his emphasis on respect. It occurred to me that many readers will feel they treat people with respect even when their beliefs are different. Maybe most of you do. I just have a few questions to ask. Though it will be written with Christians' attitude towards non-Christians (because that is the focus of John's book) you can use the same questions to examine how you treat others with regards to political or other beliefs.

1. As a Christian, when you meet someone who is not a Christian, is your immediate reaction to try to convert that person?

2. When meeting a non-Christian, is your first reaction that you have an obligation to try to convert that person?

3. When you talk about your beliefs and the person you are talking to disagrees, do you think that person is going to hell?

4. Do you think that those who claim to be Christian but don't go to your particular kind of church are truly not Christian, and therefore going to hell? (I'm Catholic. I'm used to this attitude from others.)

5. What happens when you try to convert somebody and they just don't get it? Do you continue a friendship?

6. Do you have anybody in your life who you truly care for who is not a Christian?

7. Are there any non-Christians in your life who you see for who they are, and not just as a conversion project?

You get the idea. Jesus treated everybody with love. If you're Christian, follow His example.

If you're not Christian, Jesus still offers a great example to follow.

Happy Valentine's Day.

John Shore

2007-02-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

On any given day I can expect somebody to come knocking on my door to tell my why I am not "saved" and why the information they want to give me offers me the only path into heaven. Fortunately, my dog tends to spend her time growling at them, providing me with a quick exit.

Sometimes I wonder how many doors they knock on before finding somebody willing to listen. I wonder if they actually have any success bringing people to believe the way that they do.

John Shore has recently released a book called I'm O.K., You're Not:The Message We're Sending Unbelievers And Why We Should Stop . He has some good suggestions for those who find that trying to convert others doesn't work all that well.

I don't want to give away too much because it's worth your time to read the book. I'll give you one rather big clue to his approach, though. John advocates the use of respect. Yes, he actually thinks it's a good idea to represent Jesus by treating people the same way He did.

What a novel idea. Yet if it's so obvious, why don't people just do it?

Though John's book focusses on the way Christians sometimes treat non-Christians, the same applies in almost every area of life. Think about all the arguments people get into about politics and other hot-button issues. Rather than treating people with respect, we see those who think in ways that we disagree with as someone to try to change.

In other words, I'm right, you're wrong.

Read John's book, even if you're not an evangelist. He makes a lot of good points about living in general. If you read beyond the obvious, his words will give you a lot to think about.

John Shore makes liberal use of humor. You'll laugh out loud frequently, while at the same time recognizing yourself (maybe even painfully) in some of what he says.

Read the book. If you take it to heart, you'll find your own little corner of the earth becomes a better place.

Christmas After Loss

2006-12-21T10:36:00.000-08:00

I am finding so many worthwhile things to blog about, but haven't done it. The holidays have been fairly difficult this year. Trying to put up the tree and other Christmas decorations has brought back so many childhood memories, as well as a sense of the limited time we really have on earth.

If you've read my previous posts, you'll know that the sadness this year is because of the loss of my Mom.

I love listening to Christmas music, but it brings tears to my eyes every time now because December was full of Christmas music growing up. I listen anyway. The memories are worth the tears.

My daughter wanted the Relient K Christmas CD. It turns out it's quite difficult to get, so I ended up purchasing a digital download. It's all pretty good and really shows their sense of humor (starting with the title, Deck the Halls and Bruise Your Hand.) As much as I like it overall, one song in particular stands out. It's called I Celebrate the Day. It asks the age-old question about whether or not Jesus knew He was the Saviour from birth. It also addresses the issue of seeing another year go by and finding your relationship with God in the same place it was the year before. Here's the first verse:

And with this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency we're less than half as close as I want to be

I can relate all too well to that. That song is one of the reasons I keep listening to Christmas music despite the tears.

Something unusual happened while I was putting up the tree. You remember how, as a child, you really felt the magic of Christmas? Remember how Christmas had a distinct feel to it? Then you reach a certain age and you find that the magic isn't the same. Christmas is still good, but feels a lot like any other day.

For several minutes while putting up the tree that old feeling of Christmas came back. It's been decades since I've felt it. I'm still amazed that through my tears, I could still feel the magic. All I could do is hope that it was Mom stopping by with her own Christmas gift.

The only thing I can say is that it was priceless.

I wish Christmas magic for all of you this season.

Passion and Service

2006-12-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

I am Catholic. I love the Mass, but in the past I have sometimes found that my mind wanders a great deal when I'm at church. There is a lot of repetition, and it can be hard to keep attending to the same words week after week.

I've often wondered how priests manage daily Mass and several on the weekends. They not only say the same prayers over and over, but if they give mulitple Masses they get to constantly repeat their sermons.

On Friday, December 8, we celebrated the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. This past year or so we have frequently attended a church where the music is inspiring and the priest clearly loves what he does. When I looked at the priest on Friday, it occurred to me that this man loves praying the Mass. I think he looks forward to Holy days because it gives him an excuse to offer more Masses.

This priest glows with his love for God and his passion for what he does. Needless to say, he has inspired a lot of people, myself included. I look forward to Mass at his church.

Switchfoot strikes me as being a lot like Father Mark. They love what they do so much that they will sometimes find a local coffee shop where they can play after completing a concert. These are people who are clearly doing what they choose to do with their lives. In the process, they have inspired many.

It makes me wonder: do people who follow their passions tend to be those who make more of a difference to others? Switchfoot has touched a lot of lives. Father Mark has also touched many.

Father Mark and the members of Switchfoot serve others while living passionate lives. I wonder what the world would be like if we all did the same.

Elton John Wants To Ban Religion

2006-11-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

Elton John says that if he had it his way, organized religion would be banned. He thinks they promote hatred against gays. Sir John states that religion "turns people into really hateful lemmings."

These are strong words. I’ve always enjoyed Elton John’s music, and I was saddened by his attitude.

I can’t speak for all religions, but I know that many of them don’t think the gay lifestyle is morally acceptable. That is completely different from promoting hatred towards gays. Though you will find homophobic individuals within any religion, it doesn’t mean that the religion promotes it.

As much as I dislike what Sir John said, it should give members of organized religion something to think about.

Elton John may be wrong about what churches promote, but he is right about some individuals within a church. Some Christians and members of other organized religions can be pretty self-righteous and can come across as though they are full of hate.

I’m proud to say that I’m a Christian, but I have been attacked by Christians of other denominations. When struggling with chronic illness, I’ve been told that I pray wrong, or I don’t have enough faith. Some Christians think that they need to “save” me because they believe that the teachings of my church are wrong.

Then again, it’s not only Christians who can act this way. My daughter has had people say some pretty nasty things to her by atheists. It seems that if she states any kind of opinion in agreement with her Church, they stop listening and start yelling.

Christians should be better than this. Jesus accepted everybody. You can think somebody is sinning and still love the sinner. Remember that you’re a sinner, too.

Sir John, I disagree with you completely. You need to separate the members of a church from what the church actually teaches and promotes. Organized religion has done an awful lot of good in the world. Just because they don’t condone the gay lifestyle doesn’t mean they should be banned. If somebody espouses hate while claiming to be “religious”, that doesn’t mean the church teaches hate.

If a number of musicians preached hatred, you wouldn’t want to ban music.

To members of organized religion, keep in mind that Elton John speaks for many. It’s not just hatred of the gay lifestyle that is a problem, it’s the superiority and self-righteousness of some that harms us all.

You might not like with Sir John says, but maybe it’s time to learn from him.

Giving

2006-11-02T06:14:00.000-08:00

We often hear about people inspiring others. Some inspire us by the way they approach the struggles in their lives. Often we find art, music, or good writing inspirational. Bravery and selflessness, such as that demonstrated when people risk their own lives to save others, has the same effect.

But what does it mean to be inspired?

This question is on my mind a lot because, as anybody who has read my previous entries knows, I was just at the best concert of my life. It was....yup, here's the word...inspirational. I've been to some good concerts in my lifetime, but this was way above anything I've ever seen.

In fact, I'm not the only one saying that. Check out this blog from another fan who came to the same conclusion.

The evening was so memorable that I want to find a way to say "thanks" to Switchfoot. After reading more about them, I realized that they have a passion for making the world a better place. What better way to give back than to try to do the same thing?

I started a new thread at the message boards at Switchfoot.com. The thread asked for ideas on how to give back to a band that has given us so much pleasure.

There weren't very many responses. I then suggested we find a way to make small differences. I wasn't talking about major efforts; I was just suggesting we do things like noticing who needs a kind word that day or other similar efforts. We could post what we do as a gift to Switchfoot. It would directly show Switchfoot the ways they impact others.

It surprised me how quickly that thread died.

What about you? What do you do when something moves you? Do you let it make a difference, or just enjoy the feeling of inspiration while it lasts?

Think about this: if enough people made a conscious effort to do something each week to make the world better, even something that seems small, the impact would be huge.

The next time you feel inspired by somebody, find a way to give back. You never know how you might change a life.

We were meant to live for so much more!

Switchfoot Fallout

2006-10-30T09:49:00.000-08:00

I still can't talk coherently about the concert after four days. The best way I can express it is to say that I continue to have what some Switchfoot fans call a "concert hangover." I need to go to another concert, and today wouldn't be too soon.

During the concert I found myself thinking, who are these guys? This was a night well beyond all my expectations, and my expectations were pretty high.

I promised in my last post to tell you about the meet-and-greet. After the concert we waited around awhile at the venue. Eventually all those with passes were gathered into one area, and the rest of the fans were asked to leave.

My smile started to grow at this point, knowing we'd be meeting the guys who had just given us such an indescribable night.

I was talking to my daughter and happened to look up in time to see the drummer, Chad, and the keyboardist/guitarist, Jerome, coming towards us. They walked up to us and introduced themselves in such a humble manner, as though we wouldn't know who they were. Then they really made my day; they both mentioned that they had noticed my daughter during the concert. They pointed to the spot on the balcony where she had been standing. This was so much more than she expected.

But wait, it gets better. The next person we met was Jon, the lead singer. He also said words to the effect of "yeah, I remember you, you were standing right there" and pointed to where my daughter had been standing.

I think she's still floating. Three of the five band members noticed her during the concert.

Ultimately we met all five. They gave autographs and allowed pictures. Every one of them came across as the type of people anybody would love to have as friends.

Somebody asked me if I lost my ability to speak when I met them. Unfortunately, I didn't. Instead I was a babbling fool. Thankfully, they're probably used to people like that.

After we left the building I saw Jon walk out. He passed some people who had their backs to him, said "hi", and kept walking. The fans he had just passed turned to look, and you could see by their expressions what they were thinking.

Jon was grinning. He knew he'd just made somebody's night.

This blog is about people who make a difference. I want to once more thank Katherine from Foot Soldiers Headquarters for allowing the meet-and-greet. Thanks to her, a memorable night was made even more memorable.

As for Switchfoot, I think the best way to thank them will be to talk about some of their causes in future blogs.

There's one more thing I can do for them. I can try to make the lives of others better the way they made mine better.

Switchfoot

2006-10-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

This seems to be the year for meet-and-greets. On Monday I received word that we'd won a meet-and-greet for a Switchfoot concert in Minneapolis. We won the tickets through a contest sponsored by Artist Arena.

I want to publicly thank Katherine from Foot Soldiers Headquarters for allowing this honor.

I also want to thank Switchfoot for a memorable evening. I can't write much about it yet because I can't do justice in words to the incredible night we had.

What I can say, though, is that if you have the opportunity to see Switchfoot in concert, don't even think of missing it. I love their CDs (which is obvious, it's the only reason we'd drive that far for a concert) but their live performance put the CDs to shame.

My daughter is 14 and I'm ... well, I'm not considered young anymore, but both of us thought this was the best concert we'd ever been to. It's now 24 hours later and we're still in awe, still basking in the glow.

After the concert I found that these guys are incredibly down-to-earth. I'll write more about that later, too.

My words, when I find them, are going to be completely inadequate.

Evanescence: Proof That Venue Makes A Difference

2006-10-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

We went to the Evanescence concert at the Rave in Milwaukee. Though Amy Lee proved she is an incredibly talented singer and the band did a great job, we would have had a better time at home listening to a CD. Even my daughter and niece, both teens who love this band, were disappointed and anxious to leave.

The Rave has three or four rooms. The one that Evanescence played in was huge. There is no seating there; you have to stand. I didn't think this would be a problem because we had been at an all-standing venue the week before to see Good Charlotte. I didn't realize that the Rave was substantially larger.

Security was so intent on preventing cameras from coming in that they checked purses and sometimes frisked people to make sure they weren't carrying one. Nevermind that cell phones are allowed, and that cell phones nowadays can be used to take pictures and video. More to the point, nevermind all the stuff they allowed to go on there.

While cameras are prohibited, underage drinking is not. They do check IDs, but the bar is at one end of the floor and once a patron has bought his beer, he can take it to all of his underage friends.

Forget, too, about the sign that says that the singer has requested no smoking, absolutely no exceptions. The room was foggy with smoke. Note a couple of things here; we were on the second floor, and both exits led to a stairwell. People were smoking and flicking the ashes on the wooden floor, a floor slippery with alcohol. Now I understand why you hear of places like this going up in flames.

It was not only a fire hazard, it was a hazard in other ways, too. My daughter was almost burned by a fan dancing in packed quarters while waving her cigarette. I'm sure other patrons weren't lucky enough to avoid the burning end of the cigarette.

My daughter and niece were offered illegal drugs there....but it sure was important to keep cameras out. The sexual activity made me feel like people were coming here because it was cheaper than a hotel room, despite the fact that there were kids there who were a lot younger than my daughter.

Our teens got as close as they could but still had difficulty seeing the band. If I had realized how bad things would get, we would've stayed together and probably left early.

My sister-in-law and I were standing way in the back, and even there we were constantly pushed. Every time I thought I could get into the music, somebody would bump into me. They obviously weren't trying to get closer; we were already way in the back. They were walking by us to get to the beer.

Contrast this to Station 4 in St. Paul, where we had seen Good Charlotte the previous weekend. Station 4 was small enough that you could stand in the back and still see the band well. It was more like being invited to a private concert. The non-smoking policy was enforced. There was a bar, but you had to show ID and remain in the bar; at least, I'm guessing they made patrons stay there because I saw no drinking on the main floor. The bar was in a clearly separated area.

Interestingly, they weren't threatened by cameras. We got some good pictures there.

I learned a lot from this. I'm checking the venue wherever I go. I don't mind if it's large as long as there are seats so I'm not pushed and shoved while trying to get into the music. If it's a standing venue like at Station 4, I'll make sure it's small. All other venues I'll avoid.

When my daughter goes on tour, she plans to stick to smaller venues, too. She was so impressed with Good Charlotte and the way they met with all their fans. You can't realistically do that at the larger places but you can at places like Station 4. She also realizes that she doesn't want her fans leaving as disappointed as she left the Evanescence concert.

This is an example of a way in which bad things can become positive. We now know a lot more about what we need when touring in the future. In addition, instead of omplaining to the Rave (which would've probably been ineffective) I wrote an email to Station 4.

If you're an Evanescence fan and can attend a concert at a decent location, I would encourage you to go. Amy Lee is exceptionally talented. What a shame that we were in the same room as someone of her caliber and couldn't enjoy it.

Good Charlotte Concert

2006-10-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

In my last post I mentioned the Good Charlotte concert we would be attending on October 6. This is a group that constantly talks about the importance of their fans. On October 6 Good Charlotte proved that they mean what they say.

The evening started with a certain amount of frustration. The time and venue of the concert had changed, and nobody was able to tell us when the meet-and-greet was. Ultimately everybody just went to the venue a little early. After doors opened, we were told to stay in an area in the back of the venue. Around 6:00 we were taken to an alley where the meet and greet was held.

Security at the venue was trying to push everybody through as quickly as possible. There was another warm-up band playing, and they wanted us all back in the building before the band started. The good news, though, is they let me in with my daughter and niece. They didn't have to do that.

This is where I started to personally like the band members. I have been reading that some consider them a bit stuck-up. I've read that they only pretend to like their fans. If this is true, they do a pretty good job of acting.

When my niece and daughter went through, both wanted a picture. Despite security, band members obliged them. In fact, my daughter ended up getting a picture with two of them. Another fan got even got a hug after asking for one. The only people complaining was the venue security.

The concert itself was a lot of fun. They played a couple of new songs, but mostly familiar tunes. They like a lot of audience participation, and they got it.

I have to note here that the bass guitar and drumming were both exceptional. I commented to my daughter that the bass guitarist must have a background in electric guitar, and she confirmed he did. As far as the drummer goes, I haven't heard drumming that good for...well, I won't say how long. Let's just say it's been a long, long time.

This is not to say they weren't all great, because they were. It's just that usually the lead singer(s) and guitarists are the musicians of note. Drummers and bass players seem to be less noticeable. In this group, all of them worked well together, and all had their time to shine.

However, as good as the concert was, the best memories for my daughter and niece are of the meet and greet and after the concert. When the music was finished, fans left the building and stood in line outside, hoping for autographs. Band members came out one at a time for autographs and pictures. Billy took time to pose with everybody who asked him. Paul was willing to hug my niece and daughter when they asked. When those two wished him happy birthday, you could see he was surprised and pleased

For those who comment that Good Charlotte members just act like they like their fans because it's good business, they may be right. I'm not one of them and can't get in their heads. However, even if it is a calculated business decision, it certainly gives fans more than their money's worth.

As my daughter and niece continue in their musical careers, they saw a good example of how to treat others. They walked away saying that no matter how tired they are after a concert, they plan to emulate Good Charlotte. They will never forget how to treat their fans.

Good Charlotte, Evanescence

2006-09-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

I've written about both Evanescence and Good Charlotte in earlier posts. I talked about Good Charlotte because of their Hold On video. Evanescence moved audiences with My Immortal, and had a personal place in my life as well.

As you can probably tell, I love both of these bands. So does my daughter. I learned about them from her.

This is why I have to share the good news: Evanescence and Good Charlotte are touring again, and we have the opportunity to see them! It's a bit of a drive (one is three hours away, the other will be four) but I can't miss this chance.

These bands are very special to our family, as you will see.

I wrote earlier that we had a major loss in our lives this year. It's still unreal to me, and I still struggle with getting things done while I grieve. I'm even finding it hard to put the words on paper.

In February, we lost my Mom.

I want to delete those words, to pretend it never happened.

But back to the bands, to why they are special to us...

My daughter is a singer, and she and her cousin used to sing to my Mom. Mom loved their music. One of the first songs they ever sang was Good Charlotte's LIttle Things. That was followed by many more songs of both Good Charlotte and Evanescence.

My mother's last gift to my daughter was on Christmas. It was a Good Charlotte t-shirt.

Fittingly, my daughter's last gift to my Mother was hours before she passed. It was an Evanesecence song.

Seeing them on tour (within a week of each other) is very meaningful. To make it even better, my daughter's birthday is between concerts. She was dreading the loss she knew she would feel on that day. Now it will be memorable for good things instead.

The song my daughter sang to Mom is called Good Night. You've probably never heard it. I'm not even sure where she found it. It's a short lullaby, and the last words are "We said goodnight and not good-bye." I'd put all the lyrics here but I'm not sure of the legalities of it. I'm sure you can find it on any Evanescence lyric site. It's a beautiful song, and was very appropriate for Mom's passing.

It was the last song she ever heard.

This is going to be an emotional couple of concerts, but one that will also make me feel closer to Mom. I'm as excited about them as my daughter is. I want to think that Mom will be right there by our side those nights.

I'll be posting more about Evanescence later. The Evanescence website has a link to Amy Lee's Foundation, Out of The Shadows. It is very impressive and worth looking at. I'll talk about it in a future blog.

Mostly likely I'll be talking about new releases from both groups. You probably already know that Evanescence has a new CD, The Open Door, which will be released on October 3. (We've preordered...no surprise to anybody who knows us.) The Evanescence website provides links if you want to hear it now.

Good Charlotte is also close to releasing a new CD. Check out the new song at GoodCharlotte.com

Expect me to talk about both of the concerts in future blogs. I'm so excited! I can't tell you how good it feels to be excited about something again...except, of course, it's very difficult to not be sharing with Mom.

I want to publicly thank both bands for their musical gifts to us. The right songs can really make a difference in our lives.

Goth Teens

2006-07-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

Is your teenager Goth? If so, should you worry about it?

My daughter wears what some consider Goth clothing. She particularly likes Tripp pants. Though she doesn't usually wear completely dark clothing, there are days when her clothes are mostly black.

She has a friend who also likes the Goth look. In addition to the clothes, he wears his hair spiked. Since we live in a small city, the way he looks gets him noticed.

This friend has spent quite a bit of time at our house. He's easy to talk to and has a big heart. If there's projects to do around the house, like painting, he'll volunteer to help just because he enjoys my daughter's friendship. The more I get to know him, the more I like him.

I was talking about him to another parent recently. We got into the whole issue of clothing and what it says about a person. People are quick to judge others, and often won't take the time to get to know somebody who dresses different from the rest.

Teens in particular are judged harshly. When a teen dresses uniquely, often parents and teens alike make negative judgements. My daughter has been told she's satanic, even though most of her clothing comes from C28.com (a Christian clothing site geared towards teenagers.) A substitute teacher even told her that God doesn't like it that she dresses in dark colors.

I've been told that kids like my daughter and her friend lose when they wear these clothes because they miss meeting people who could turn out to be friends. Maybe that's true, but I'm not sure my daughter would get along all that well with kids who don't like her because of her Tripp pants.

The girls who are popular, and the ones who adults seem to like, are the ones who dress as sexually as possible. These are the ones some parents think my daughter should emulate.

I don't think so.

My daughter recently had to interview a community member whose contributions to our city made a big difference. I later met that woman. She was very impressed. She told me that my daughter had sent her a thank-you note and signed it "Dare to be different." This community member was so impressed by the thoughtful interview questions, my daughter's general attitude, and the note that she even called the school to let them know how pleased she was.

That attitude, dare to be different, is exactly what I hoped for in a child. I also hoped for a child with compassion, which she has in abundance.

I think the way she dresses demonstrates that she is comfortable with who she is. She might be called satanic, but it doesn't make her change. Instead she seeks those who understand and are comfortable with her.

Personally, I like her wardrobe. More than that, I love her courage to show the world who she is, her wisdom in knowing that true friends like her for herself. She could try to conform, to get along better by pretending to be what she's not.

Then again, she can just be herself. In this day and age, that takes courage.

Good Charlotte Targets Suicidal Fans

2006-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I've written. Our family has experienced a major loss, and I just wasn't up for doing anything more than I had to. I kept up with my professional writing, but not my weblog. Starting today I hope to be more regular.

When it comes to loss, some of you are thinking of losing your lives to suicide. I've written about it before because I've known so many teens who have thought seriously about this option. Last night my daughter showed me a moving video by Good Charlotte that I would ask you to listen to if you are contemplating taking your life. They sing the song "Hold On" interspersed with commentary by suicide survivors and those who have to live with the suicide of a loved one. Even if you're not considering taking your life, the video is worth watching and worth passing to others. You never know when Good Charlotte's words and the words of others in the video will make a difference.

(Note: I found out today (5/07) that the link I provided no longer works, so I'm editing the post by providing the video right here.)

Hold On (2)
By Good Charlotte
CodesAndLyrics.com

Good Charlotte has long held a special spot in my heart. Though there is an occasional song that I'm not really crazy about, their overall message is good and their songs tend to be either meaningful or a lot of fun. One of my favorites is Thank You, Mom. For those readers who still have Moms, singing this song would be a great Mother's Day gift. Unforunately, you'll have to do some searching to find a sample of the song. I tried to put a Napster link here, but it didn't work out. The title was right, but the song was wrong. You can try your own luck going directly to Napster.com and searching for Good Charlotte's Thank You, Mom.

Good Charlotte has several other songs worth listening to. Napster.com offers full tracks for listening to some songs. Try Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous if you're in the mood for a fun, upbeat song or We Believe if you're looking for something of a more inspirational nature.
I have read that Good Charlotte realizes the importance of their fans. I have never met them or been to a concert to verify it, but I suspect it's true. Last fall my teen daughter wanted to sing a song of theirs (and some by a few other artists) for a public event. We wrote for permissions for the songs she wanted to share, and Good Charlotte's manager responded within hours. He was the only one who replied.

Some people are critical of Good Charlotte because they have been labeled a punk band. If you're looking for true punk, you might not enjoy them. No matter what your style, though, the Hold On video is worth a look.

If you've never listened to Good Charlotte, check out the links I've provided. You might find a new group to enjoy. If you're already a fan, I guess I don't have to say anything more. They say it all in their music.

Science Proves A Greater Truth

2006-02-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

The February 6th edition of Newsweek included a compelling article about DNA testing called In Our Blood. The author, Claudia Kalb, writes about the ability to use DNA testing to trace family roots and answer the ultimate question of where the human race started.

Reading the article, I learned that there are labs that will take your DNA sample and analyze your heritage. Several examples were given of people surprised by what they found. DNA samplings reveals mixed heritage for virtually everybody. Ms. Kalb did a great job of emphasizing what this all means when she said "The more we discover our differences, the more we find connections."

I hope that this kind of knowledge helps people develop new respect for different cultures. It seems to have made a big difference in the lives of some of the individuals discussed in the article. Maybe this is what we need to start allowing our differences to unite us.

Ms. Kalb states that DNA testing indicates that our common roots are with a male and a female ancestor in Africa. Thinking of common roots for all of us, I realize that science has finally proven what many religions have stated all along: we really are all brothers and sisters.

Self Made Man

2006-01-25T10:56:00.000-08:00

The recent Time Magazine (January 30th issue) included a review of the book Self-Made Man,written by Norah Vincent. I haven't read the book yet, but it sounds like a great read. More importantly, it has the potential to help men and women better understand each other.

Norah Vincent spent 18 months posing as a man before writing her story. The end result helps us better understand gender differences. She found that the gender gap is pretty wide, but also that genders can learn to understand each other better.

Women often seem to think that a woman's way is better than a man's way of doing things. (Yes, I'm female, and yes, I'm guilty of this too.) Men tend to think their way is better. Self-Made Man suggests that we should be learning more from each other.

It's time to recognize that differences are what make this world a better place to live. Books like this can only help.

Now we just need a man to live like a woman for 18 months....

Simple Plan

2005-12-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

I love it when a band I like does good things.

As you can tell by the title, Simple Plan is the band I am talking about. Here is the announcement I read today:

Lava/Atlantic recording artists Simple Plan have announced the launch of the Simple Plan Foundation, a charitable organization that will devote time and energy to raise money to help teenagers in need. The foundation will focus on young teens dealing with the hardships of growing up: drug addiction, poverty, depression, suicide, and other struggles. It will also donate funds to various medical and social organizations that care for sick children, and promote music education as a way for kids to find a passion and direction in life.

The band states, "These are issues that truly matter to us because a lot of our fans go through difficult times. We get tons of very sad letters and emails, and we also meet a lot of these kids at our shows, so we get a direct perspective on this dramatic social problem. It's heart-wrenching to see how many young kids are struggling, feeling depressed and lost. We are launching the Simple Plan Foundation to hopefully make a difference in their lives. We feel it's the least we can do."

I love their attitude, too. They have grown quite a bit and have decided to sing what they want without worrying about what label listeners put on it. They just want to make good music, which they do. More importantly, they sing songs that mean something to listeners. Is there anybody who can't relate to the lyrics of Welcome To My Life?

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belongAnd no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming....

For any of you who have read my blogs on suicide and are still reading, you can see that you're not alone. Then follow up with the lyrics from Shut Up:

“Nothing you say today will ever bring me down”

That's the attitude to strive for. If you're caught up in somebody else's opinion, it's time to change. I know it's easier said than done, but the best things in life almost always take some effort.

Make an effort. It's your choice. It's your life.

It's Your Choice

2005-12-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

I was surprised to read that Richard Pryor was born and raised in a brothel. He experienced sexual abuse growing up. Despite this, he decided to make a name for himself. He rose well above his upbringing to bring laughter to others, and became wealthy and famous in the process.

Of course, wealth and fame are not nearly enough to combat serious depression. This was a struggle for the comedienne. Drugs and alcohol were one of the ways he tried unsuccessfully to comabat it. Note that this solution ultimately didn't work for him, just as it doesn't work for the rest of us.

Mr. Pryor took a rough beginning and made a name for himself. He brought laughter to others both through his own comedy and through his influence on other professionals. I have had a much easier life than him and have not made anywhere near the difference.

I may never touch the vast number of people that Mr. Pryor did, but I'm going to continue to try. You can, too.

It's your choice.

Who Has Changed Your Life?

2005-12-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'd love to know who has changed your life without knowing it and how they did it. I am interested in all the things we can do to make the world a better place if we would only think of it. Please leave a comment or contact me at CanIChangeALife@yahoo.com.

Thanks for enhancing my life.

Janet

From Suicidal to Successful

2005-11-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

My teenage daughter loves the clothing, music, and accessories at www.C28.com. Like many teenagers, she also has firsthand experience with school bullies. She is very independent, and this does not go over well with kids who want everyone to conform to their ideas of "cool".

I first read about C28 in Reader's Digest. I was intrigued because of their message of complete acceptance of everyone. I wish that there was a local C28 store because it would be a perfect place for my daughter to work and spend time.

Intrigued by the article, I looked up information on the founder. His name is Aurelio F. Barreto III. He created those Igloo dog houses you see everywhere. He eventually sold the company and walked away a very wealthy man.

But wealth doesn't buy happiness. I don't know what demons possessed him, but he ended up with depression serious enough that he considered suicide. Thankfully he decided against it. Even better, after he made the decision for life, he ended up on a mission to enhance the lives of countless others.

If you want to know more about his story, check out www.C28.com. It's also a great place to find quality clothing, music, and accessories. We have bought several items from them and always been pleased. Customer service is also terrific. Lately I had some questions for them and have been corresponding with a gentleman named Justin, who has been exceptionally patient and quick to respond to me.

Aurelio F. Barreto III is a great example of somebody moving from suicidal to having a terrific life. I would love to hear the stories of others who have done this, especially those who have overcome great odds to choose life.

Feeling Suicidal?

2005-11-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

Lately it seems so many people are struggling with depression. I know of several teens who cut themselves in an effort to feel something. Many of them are dealing with suicidal thoughts.

This is not just limited to teens, of course. I've known a lot of people who have seriously contemplated suicide, and my life has been touched by family and friends who have successfully left us this way.

If you've read my other posts, you won't be surprised that I listen to music all the time. I was listening to Evanescence this morning, in particular My Immortal. It is said that she wrote it on the suicide of a loved one. I don't know if this is true or not, but it perfectly captures how it feels to be one of the people left behind.

If you're considering suicide, please look up the lyrics to My Immortal. If you have any love left for anybody in your life, listen to it thinking how they will feel. Please don't put them through this.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just so much that time cannot erase

Sounds a lot like any of you considering suicide, but it also completely describes those who have survived a loved one's suicide. Read on, and think of anybody who has tried to help you. Before responding with "Nobody cares, nobody has tried," be honest with yourself. You know there have been people in your life who tried to reach you. Sometimes people give up because they think they're not able to help and not wanted. Here's some more lyrics:

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me.

Consider those you love, and find a way to struggle through the pain until you get some relief.

This blog is meant to highlight ways that others can impact a life. I hope I can touch at least one life today.

Great Reality TV

2005-10-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

NBC is hosting a great new reality TV show this year called Three Wishes. They are granting at least three wishes per show, and say that others might be granted that will not appear on the show. I don't know who came up with the concept and who ran with it once it was suggested, but both have to be applauded for actively making a difference in many, many lives.

I wonder if they realize the magnitude of what they are doing. Just hosting the show will inspire people they will never meet, people who will watch the show and make their own wishes or the wishes of others come true.

When television was first introduced, it was often suggested that it could be a major force of good or evil. In this day and age when we're always complaining that there's nothing on, or that all news is bad news, NBC and all involved have done something magnificent.

They are still taking wishes. Check it out on NBC.com.

I am in awe.

Musicians Who Mean What They Sing

2005-09-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

My title is referring to the Oak Ridge Boys. After seeing them in concert in April, 2005 I went to their website and logged onto their message board. There I found that the "Boys" actually respond to their fans and even post their own thoughts. When they write, it becomes clear that they sing what they believe.

I now own two of their CDs. One is Common Thread, a Gospel CD. The other is called Colors and is filled with patriotic music. I play both of them all the time. Soon I plan to add From the Heart to my collection.

I would give you a link to check their music, but you probably already know you plenty of sites you can head to (though I'd recommend http://www.oakridgeboys.com). Instead, I want to honor them by sending you to a place that is dear to their hearts. It's http://www.feedthechildren.org. This is another great organization assisting Katrina victims.

At some later date I may write more about what the Oaks have meant to me and my family. For now, consider clicking on that link and being a person who makes a difference.

Dan Fogelberg

2005-07-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

A few years ago my daughter asked me who my favorite musical artist was. I told her I didn't have a favorite, that I like anybody who sings with passion. Then I took a look at my CDs and noticed the name that overwhelming showed up was Dan Fogelberg.

He is on my mind now because last I knew he was struggling with prostate cancer. There is a statement on his official website, but the statement was made last fall and I have heard nothing about his illness since. Recently, however, he put his Colorado home up for sale, fueling a lot of speculation among his many devoted and worried fans.

Dan's music has certainly played a large role in my life. The first full CD I heard of his was Souvenirs. (Actually it was a tape, and I think it was before CDs even existed.) My husband played it for me many many years ago when we were driving to his reserve unit for drill. The beauty in this CD was so palpable that I still remember the night all these years later.

I found one message board where somebody had written that they knew him personally. This person does not like Dan and cannot understand all the grief his fans are going through. He stated that Dan is not a very likeable person. I don't know if this is true or not, never having had the opportunity to meet him. This much I do know: there are a lot of people who are not very nice and who will never make a difference in the lives of others. Dan does. Many of his fans have loved his music for years and found great inspiration in it.

Music has always been my passion, but Dan is the one who showed me that it is vital to the lives of a lot of people. His music has shown me that musicians enhance strangers' lives every day. He gives me the courage to be a musican and to be proud of it.

I am hoping that some of you who read this will be Dan Fogelberg fans. If you are, please feel free to comment. I would especially like comments showing how he has impacted your lives. I know he has meant as much and more to others as he has meant to me.

Teachers

2005-06-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day of school for this school year. For the first time, my daughter is not excited about it. She came home in tears.

It was a tough year for her. Early in the year there were days when she wished it was summer already. Throughout the year there was plenty of adversity, but in the end it made her stronger. She learned to shrug off the bullying (most of the time) and developed some close friendships. She'll be seeing her friends during the summer, so why is she so sad?

It's the teachers.

She had a great bunch of teachers this year and felt very close to a couple of them. She was actually looking forward to summer until it hit her that she would never have these particular teachers again. Leaving today was very difficult. She couldn't even say good-bye.

As I write this she is with a friend, and I'm left pondering the impact these teachers had on her. I can't help but think that part of her ability to shrug off the bullies was the support she got from them. I saw enormous personal growth in her this year, and they get some of the credit for that.

It's obvious they care a lot about the kids they teach. I can't help but wonder if they are feeling as sad as she is. I'm sure that in a way it's like any other job and they are happy to have the summer off. Yet they know they will never have another group quite like this year, and they have to watch kids they've grown to care about move on.

And they do this every single year.

I am writing this as a way to say thank you to all the teachers who teach because it their passion. As in any field, there are teachers that feel it is just a job. The teachers my daughter had this year, though, are not among that group.

To all you who teach because that's who you are, thank you. You most definitely change lives.

Sometimes It's the Little Things

2005-05-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

Want to be remembered? Teach a kid something!

Yesterday was Memorial Day. Our family, like so many others, takes the opportunity on this day each year to visit the cemetaries and share some family history. We always leave feeling closer to our passed relatives and to each other.

I never knew most of my grandparents well. One passed before I was born, and two others died when I was young. My maternal grandpa, however, lived until I was a teen. In fact, I was only a little older than my daughter is now. With more memories of him than the other grandparents, it is easy for me to share stories of him with her.

Yesterday I was talking with her about the last time I saw Grandpa. It was at a wedding reception. As usual, he had all the time in the world for his grandkids. We were talking about how fortunate it was for the bride and groom that the weather that day turned out so well because it sure looked like storms in the morning.

Grandpa explained to me that he knew it would likely get better. He told me that the barometer was rising, which generally indicates good weather. If it had been falling he would have expected rain.

That day he taught me a lesson about weather, but over time it became much more.

To this day I pay attention to the barometer when making plans. When I do, I think of him. Sometimes I remember that day, and other times I remember so much more.

It took until yesterday, though, for me to realize how easy it is to be memorable. (It's been over thirty years. I guess I'm a bit slow sometimes.) Grandpa loved us and made it obvious by sharing his time with us. Yet of all the memorable stories and life events he shared with us, it was the teaching moment that stands out. At that wedding he taught me something I would be able to use for the rest of my life. In the process, his teaching now connects me to him.

Thanks, Grandpa. Now I just have to check the weather to feel loved.

Grand Jubilee and New South

2005-05-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in a previous blog, my family visited Branson, MO in March. We chose Branson because we wanted a vacation focused on musical entertainment, something we all enjoy. The last show we attended in Branson was Grand Jubilee, featuring quartet New South and comedian Terry Sanders. We had never heard of them before but decided to go, in part because of the reasonable cost. We certainly got our money's worth and much, much more.

You can read reviews of the show other places on the internet. I am impressed by the number of people who say they would go back to see it again. (We are definitely among that number.) It seems everybody has a great time there. In fact, I have yet to find a poor review. This blog, however, is about how they impacted me and my family.

The show itself was a lot of fun. I'm not a big country fan, but I enjoyed every country song they sang. They also included several gospel numbers. I had forgotten how inspiring gospel music can be, and I purchased New South's CD Somebody Must Be Praying For Me before I left. I now play it almost daily. Thanks to them, I also attended an Oak Ridge Boys concert in my home town about a month ago. It was a great night, and I would not have gone if it wasn't for the Grand Jubilee.

Yet as memorable as the music was, it's the attitude of the band and their graciousness later that really stays in my mind. When New South sings with the Grand Jubilee band, you can see them really working together and having a great time. Some groups seem to be about each individual, but this group and the band works as a team. Music is meant to be shared, and this group truly shares with each other and the audience.

The wife of one of the band members, Diana Ponder, also graced the show at times. While I like her singing in general, it was the duets with her husband that stood out the most. I would go one step further and say that it wasn't just because their voices suit each other (which they do, remarkably well) but because they have a great chemistry together. When they sing to each other they appear to really be singing to each other. It's as though the audience is full of their friends, and they are open enough with us to show us how they feel about each other.

After the show we bought a CD and a DVD. Members of New South and Diana Ponder were available for autographs. Diana was the last in line. Fortunately for us, we were the last customers in line. We started to talk with Diana and found her to be incredibly gracious. She had just spent the day preparing for and performing in a show, she had another one to prepare for in a couple of hours, but she stood and talked for quite some time and seemed to enjoy herself.

Here I have to add that Terry Sanders, the comedian, is truly gifted. I expected the humor in this show to be a bit hokey, but Terry kept the audience in stitches. I can understand why he's had a long career in this field. His humor seems so effortless, and he can make you laugh at jokes that others would never be able to pull off.

I mention him here because he was not standing in line to give out autographs. However, when we were talking to Diana, we saw him walk by and mentioned that we'd love his signature, too. She called him over and I couldn't believe his reaction. With all his ability, he seemed surprised and even touched that we wanted his autograph. I'm sure this is not a new experience for him, but I am also sure he wasn't faking his reaction. It just goes to show how some people can be great at what they do and never get conceited about it.

My daughter is a singer and hopes to be a professional one day. She loves music and loves performing, so it would be a good match. This concert showed her a lot about teamwork. More importantly, she learned how much enjoyment a performer can bring by just being willing to hang out with the fans. I hope she remembers this when it is her turn. I am hoping that Diana Ponder and everyone else involved with the show become role models for her.

Grand Jubilee is an example of music at it's best. If you are interested in purchasing New South CDs, they can be found at http://talldarkstranger.net/store.html.

New South, The Lettermen, and I Believe

2005-04-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed by my previous posts, musicians bring so much to my life.

In this post I want to thank some of them. These would include the group New South (who I will be discussing in a future blog) and The Lettermen, as well as songwriters Erwin Drake, Irvin Graham, Jimmy Shirl, and Al Stillman.

I want to thank them all for an absolutely beautiful song called "I Believe". As you may have guessed, the songwriters mentioned above get credit for writing it. Many artists have performed it, so I am obviously not the only person moved by it. I hope the writers are aware of the legacy they left.

The recording I loved most growing up was by The Lettermen. In fact, they are the first group I ever heard sing it. It might be worthwhile for you to go to Amazon.com to look up a recording of this. I understand The Lettermen are back on tour, but am having trouble accessing their website at the moment. You can try to reach it at http://thelettermen.com.

I thank the country/gospel group New South for bringing this song back to me. My family and I attended a concert of theirs in Branson, Missouri a month ago. (I would highly recommend it to anybody, and was so inspired that I plan to blog about it later.) I had forgotten how much I like gospel music until this trip. I now own a CD of theirs, Somebody Must Be Praying For Me, and play it constantly. They have several great songs on it, but I am still most inspired by I Believe (with Written in Blood a close second.)

You can purchase this CD as well as others from them at http://talldarkstranger.net/store.html. If you enjoy gospel music, this could easily become a favorite in your collection.

I Believe Lyrics:

I believe for every drop of rain that falls
A flower grows
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night
A candle glows
I believe for everyone who goes astray
Someone will come to show the way
I believe, I believe
I believe above the storm the smallest prayer will still be heard
I believe that someone in that great somewhere hears every word
Every time I hear a newborn baby cry
Or touch a leaf, Or see the sky
Then I know why
I Believe

Bobby Vee

2005-02-22T15:55:00.000-08:00

We can all have an impact on someone else at anytime without ever knowing it. Two people who came into my life only long enough to make a difference are Bobby Vee and his daughter, Jenny.
For those who don't know, Bobby Vee is a singer whose biggest hits were in the 1960s. He still tours and still sings an outstanding concert.

He came to our community in December for a Christmas concert. He sang with a sixth-grade choir from one of our middle schools. My daughter belongs to that choir. Singing is her passion and she hopes to be a professional singer one day, so she was pretty excited about this opportunity.

I wanted to share with Bobby Vee her pleasure at being able to sing at this concert, so I sent an email to his website (www.bobbyvee.net.) In it I thanked him for the opportunity he was giving these kids. I didn't realize at the time what an opportunity it was for all of us.

My husband and I were able to meet Bobby and Jenny before the concert. I was very impressed with their attitude. They didn't treat meeting fans like just part of the job, but truly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

When I introduced myself, both of them mentioned the email I had sent. They told me how much it meant to them. That comment alone made my night.

What they didn't realize is that I have recently conquered a chronic illness. After many years of not working, I am writing again. More importantly, I have always wanted to make a positive impact on others. (Check the title....Can I Change A Life.) Being away from writing for so long has left me wondering if my words can influence anybody. Bobby Vee and Jenny showed me they can.

If that was all they had left me with that night it would've been more than enough, but there is more.

The concert was memorable. I realized the staying power of Bobby Vee's music when he would announce the dates various songs were released. Often they were the year I was born or shortly after...yet to many of them I knew every word. That just isn't true about most artists.

I love writing, but music is my passion. Many things have happened recently to make me realize that I need to get back into performing (I'm an instrumentalist) and this concert was one of them. Music runs deep in my soul. Listening isn't enough; my drive is to perform again. Nothing I've experienced can beat using music to reach into a person's soul and enhance a life. I buried that desire deep inside because I haven't known what to do with it, but I left that night just knowing that I can't keep the music inside of me anymore.

My husband was also influenced. After the concert he said he can't remember the last time he had so much fun. Fun is the key word for that night...Bobby and his family and band members get on that stage and have such a great time together that it's impossible not to join in.

Ever since that night we play a lot more music in our house (including, of course, our new Bobby Vee CDs.) We're planning a trip during spring break to Branson, where we hope to catch several concerts. This would not have happened if Bobby Vee had not performed here in December.

After meeting him and his daughter, I am guessing they make a positive impact on people wherever they go. I hope one day I can do the same.

Is It Really So Bad To Be A Mom?

2005-02-16T10:21:00.000-08:00

"909 women in Texas recently told researchers they find taking care of their kids about as much fun as cleaning their house, slightly less pleasurable than cooking, and a whole lot less enjoyable than watching TV."

I still can't believe I read that. It's in the February 21st edition of Newsweek.

I'd love to hear from other moms. I find this statement incredibly sad. It's not that I think parenting is about having fun, but hanging with people you love generally is pretty enjoyable.

The woman who wrote this article is selling a book. I very much hope that she is presenting things in such a way as to sell her book and that it is not representative of the general public.

My blog is intended to be about people who have changed my life. My daughter has enhanced it greatly. As just one example, she has brought music back into my life. Music is my biggest passion (other than God and family.) Just being around her makes me happy. She is off of school on Friday and I can hardly wait. The only thing I don't like about summer vacation is that it means she's advancing one more grade and is that much closer to going off to college.

I realize that juggling kids and jobs is stressful. It's also more stressful to have more than one child. My sister raised three kids while working. It seemed she never got everything done. But she never lost sight of what was important...giving her kids all her love. They are all grown and two are in college, and she misses them every day.

The writer of the Newsweek article, Judith Warner, talked about all the things she did for a child and how they stressed her out. She talked about being proud that she could "get in three hours of high-intensity parenting before I left for work" (and another three after work.) No wonder she was unhappy. People forget that the best way to help your kids is show that you love them. Parenting time shouldn't all be "high-intensity." It's so much more important to share hugs and cuddles, always letting your kids know how much you love them and that you will always be there for them.

No, my sister wasn't really into high-intensity. She was into being with them and talking with them. She helped them with schoolwork, but it wasn't important to her that they be #1 in their classes. She just cared that they did their best.

All of her kids went to college and one has graduated. They've done well academically. None of them was ever in trouble. They never did drugs and still drink very little. Even better, they all seem to have lives they enjoy... and isn't that our goal for our kids?

For each one of them, growing up is full of special memories. They all know their Mom and Dad will always be there for them, and each of them has learned plenty about giving love. My niece and nephews are a delight to be with.

A houseful of kids, a stressful job, and not enough time to do anything...would my sister do it again? You bet.

When raising your kids, don't lose sight of what's important...being there.

Teenage Influences

2005-02-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

As you can tell by the title, I'm the mom of a teen. She's a great kid (and I'm not at all prejudiced, right?) Seriously, though, she's a good student, has a sense of style I envy, and is full of compassion for others.

A couple of my friends have shared their struggles with their daughters. The biggest struggle so far has been grades. (Yes, I realize we're a lucky group.) In all cases the teens are bright but don't turn in their homework. Funny thing, teachers tend not to give students good grades when they don't do the work.

My friends see how well my daughter does and ask for advice. What can I tell them?

Much as I like to think I have influenced my daughter, the reality is that I'm just lucky. My daughter is highly motivated to get good grades. Once she got a C on a test and she was just miserable. I've had to talk to her about accepting what she gets as long as she does her best. She understands what I'm saying, but I'm pretty certain that her next C will make her feel just as badly as her first one did.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately because she has undergone a major attitude shift. It's a shift for the good. She has always been a loving, caring person and she expects the same of others. This tender-hearted thinking has caused her a lot of pain from bullies and other classmates.

This year she has met some truly nasty kids. The worst that has happened to her is that a boy in her class pretended he was going to kick her in the face. He was on a table and she was sitting in a chair when he called her name. As she looked up, he swung his foot out towards her face. He barely missed her. He then said he should've done it, but didn't because he'd get in trouble. He then proceeded to call her names that would've made her feel awful a year ago.

Later that evening my daughter shared the story with me. I was pretty shook up. I kept imagining what would've happened if he had misjudged and actually kicked her. It didn't bother her at all. None of the bullying this year has bothered her. Her attitude was basically along the lines of "What a jerk!"

Through the years we have talked about bullies and how to handle them. We have talked about how bad she feels when people make fun of her for any reason. I've tried to teach her to consider the source when she's insulted. In other words, the people who are nasty to her aren't worth feeling badly about.

For some reason she has finally internalized those lessons. I asked her why she's so much stronger this year. Maybe I was even patting myself on the back a bit as I wondered what I'd said that finally hit home with her.

It turns out that I didn't to anything. Avril Lavigne gets the credit. My daughter has been listening to Avril a lot and taking in the things her music says. (I've written a weblog about her, including information about her various songs, at http://www.avrilfanmom.typepad.com/momsguide). Needless to say, I'm now a pretty big fan of Avril Lavigne.

I'm glad my daughter has chosen to listen to songs that help her become stronger. I'm grateful to Avril for singing songs that tell girls to be strong and to be themselves, and to sing them in such a way that teenagers will listen. I feel lucky beyond belief that my daughter chose this influence instead of getting into the darker music that's out there.

My only concern is that if the luck runs out, I'm not sure what I'll do. I can only hope that the close relationship my daughter and I still share will continue. I will hope that if the time comes that she really needs my influence, I will say and/or do the right things.

In the meantime, I'm humbled. I've also learned that what my husband says is true: if I had the choice between skill and luck, I'll always take luck.