Goth Teens

Is your teenager Goth? If so, should you worry about it?

My daughter wears what some consider Goth clothing. She particularly likes Tripp pants. Though she doesn't usually wear completely dark clothing, there are days when her clothes are mostly black.

She has a friend who also likes the Goth look. In addition to the clothes, he wears his hair spiked. Since we live in a small city, the way he looks gets him noticed.

This friend has spent quite a bit of time at our house. He's easy to talk to and has a big heart. If there's projects to do around the house, like painting, he'll volunteer to help just because he enjoys my daughter's friendship. The more I get to know him, the more I like him.

I was talking about him to another parent recently. We got into the whole issue of clothing and what it says about a person. People are quick to judge others, and often won't take the time to get to know somebody who dresses different from the rest.

Teens in particular are judged harshly. When a teen dresses uniquely, often parents and teens alike make negative judgements. My daughter has been told she's satanic, even though most of her clothing comes from C28.com (a Christian clothing site geared towards teenagers.) A substitute teacher even told her that God doesn't like it that she dresses in dark colors.

I've been told that kids like my daughter and her friend lose when they wear these clothes because they miss meeting people who could turn out to be friends. Maybe that's true, but I'm not sure my daughter would get along all that well with kids who don't like her because of her Tripp pants.

The girls who are popular, and the ones who adults seem to like, are the ones who dress as sexually as possible. These are the ones some parents think my daughter should emulate.

I don't think so.

My daughter recently had to interview a community member whose contributions to our city made a big difference. I later met that woman. She was very impressed. She told me that my daughter had sent her a thank-you note and signed it "Dare to be different." This community member was so impressed by the thoughtful interview questions, my daughter's general attitude, and the note that she even called the school to let them know how pleased she was.

That attitude, dare to be different, is exactly what I hoped for in a child. I also hoped for a child with compassion, which she has in abundance.

I think the way she dresses demonstrates that she is comfortable with who she is. She might be called satanic, but it doesn't make her change. Instead she seeks those who understand and are comfortable with her.

Personally, I like her wardrobe. More than that, I love her courage to show the world who she is, her wisdom in knowing that true friends like her for herself. She could try to conform, to get along better by pretending to be what she's not.

Then again, she can just be herself. In this day and age, that takes courage.

Good Charlotte Targets Suicidal Fans

I know it's been awhile since I've written. Our family has experienced a major loss, and I just wasn't up for doing anything more than I had to. I kept up with my professional writing, but not my weblog. Starting today I hope to be more regular.

When it comes to loss, some of you are thinking of losing your lives to suicide. I've written about it before because I've known so many teens who have thought seriously about this option. Last night my daughter showed me a moving video by Good Charlotte that I would ask you to listen to if you are contemplating taking your life. They sing the song "Hold On" interspersed with commentary by suicide survivors and those who have to live with the suicide of a loved one. Even if you're not considering taking your life, the video is worth watching and worth passing to others. You never know when Good Charlotte's words and the words of others in the video will make a difference.

(Note: I found out today (5/07) that the link I provided no longer works, so I'm editing the post by providing the video right here.)

Hold On (2)
By Good Charlotte
CodesAndLyrics.com

Good Charlotte has long held a special spot in my heart. Though there is an occasional song that I'm not really crazy about, their overall message is good and their songs tend to be either meaningful or a lot of fun. One of my favorites is Thank You, Mom. For those readers who still have Moms, singing this song would be a great Mother's Day gift. Unforunately, you'll have to do some searching to find a sample of the song. I tried to put a Napster link here, but it didn't work out. The title was right, but the song was wrong. You can try your own luck going directly to Napster.com and searching for Good Charlotte's Thank You, Mom.

Good Charlotte has several other songs worth listening to. Napster.com offers full tracks for listening to some songs. Try Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous if you're in the mood for a fun, upbeat song or We Believe if you're looking for something of a more inspirational nature.
I have read that Good Charlotte realizes the importance of their fans. I have never met them or been to a concert to verify it, but I suspect it's true. Last fall my teen daughter wanted to sing a song of theirs (and some by a few other artists) for a public event. We wrote for permissions for the songs she wanted to share, and Good Charlotte's manager responded within hours. He was the only one who replied.

Some people are critical of Good Charlotte because they have been labeled a punk band. If you're looking for true punk, you might not enjoy them. No matter what your style, though, the Hold On video is worth a look.

If you've never listened to Good Charlotte, check out the links I've provided. You might find a new group to enjoy. If you're already a fan, I guess I don't have to say anything more. They say it all in their music.

Science Proves A Greater Truth

The February 6th edition of Newsweek included a compelling article about DNA testing called In Our Blood. The author, Claudia Kalb, writes about the ability to use DNA testing to trace family roots and answer the ultimate question of where the human race started.

Reading the article, I learned that there are labs that will take your DNA sample and analyze your heritage. Several examples were given of people surprised by what they found. DNA samplings reveals mixed heritage for virtually everybody. Ms. Kalb did a great job of emphasizing what this all means when she said "The more we discover our differences, the more we find connections."

I hope that this kind of knowledge helps people develop new respect for different cultures. It seems to have made a big difference in the lives of some of the individuals discussed in the article. Maybe this is what we need to start allowing our differences to unite us.

Ms. Kalb states that DNA testing indicates that our common roots are with a male and a female ancestor in Africa. Thinking of common roots for all of us, I realize that science has finally proven what many religions have stated all along: we really are all brothers and sisters.

Self Made Man

The recent Time Magazine (January 30th issue) included a review of the book Self-Made Man,written by Norah Vincent. I haven't read the book yet, but it sounds like a great read. More importantly, it has the potential to help men and women better understand each other.

Norah Vincent spent 18 months posing as a man before writing her story. The end result helps us better understand gender differences. She found that the gender gap is pretty wide, but also that genders can learn to understand each other better.

Women often seem to think that a woman's way is better than a man's way of doing things. (Yes, I'm female, and yes, I'm guilty of this too.) Men tend to think their way is better. Self-Made Man suggests that we should be learning more from each other.

It's time to recognize that differences are what make this world a better place to live. Books like this can only help.

Now we just need a man to live like a woman for 18 months....

Simple Plan

I love it when a band I like does good things.

As you can tell by the title, Simple Plan is the band I am talking about. Here is the announcement I read today:

Lava/Atlantic recording artists Simple Plan have announced the launch of the Simple Plan Foundation, a charitable organization that will devote time and energy to raise money to help teenagers in need. The foundation will focus on young teens dealing with the hardships of growing up: drug addiction, poverty, depression, suicide, and other struggles. It will also donate funds to various medical and social organizations that care for sick children, and promote music education as a way for kids to find a passion and direction in life.

The band states, "These are issues that truly matter to us because a lot of our fans go through difficult times. We get tons of very sad letters and emails, and we also meet a lot of these kids at our shows, so we get a direct perspective on this dramatic social problem. It's heart-wrenching to see how many young kids are struggling, feeling depressed and lost. We are launching the Simple Plan Foundation to hopefully make a difference in their lives. We feel it's the least we can do."

I love their attitude, too. They have grown quite a bit and have decided to sing what they want without worrying about what label listeners put on it. They just want to make good music, which they do. More importantly, they sing songs that mean something to listeners. Is there anybody who can't relate to the lyrics of Welcome To My Life?

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belongAnd no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming....

For any of you who have read my blogs on suicide and are still reading, you can see that you're not alone. Then follow up with the lyrics from Shut Up:

“Nothing you say today will ever bring me down”

That's the attitude to strive for. If you're caught up in somebody else's opinion, it's time to change. I know it's easier said than done, but the best things in life almost always take some effort.

Make an effort. It's your choice. It's your life.