Two years ago today my Mom left us for heaven.
She spent her last 10 years in increasing pain. We never realized quite the depth of it until after she passed. She left writings behind. Now we have a much clearer picture.
She was an incredibly stong woman.
I should rejoice for her, but I'm only human and the loss is still too great.
Yet she continues to teach me. In my faith journey, I realize that I can't be complacent in a faith that can't get beyond myself and my loss. I cannot yet be joyous for her.
My grief is more about my selfishness and less about love. I miss seeing her, talking to her, sharing everything with her. That's all about me.
I'm realizing that shedding selfishness is going to be a lifelong journey, but a worthwhile one.
One day I want to be able to love my Mom and all the others in my life with a love that truly celebrates their joy, especially when they have the joy of heaven.
In the meantime, to nobody's surprise, when I turned on my mp3 player this morning, a Switchfoot song was playing. The song was Let Your Love Be Strong from the Oh! Gravity CD. It seems appropriate today.
In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed
As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired
Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love
Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites
All of my world resting on your love
Happy Birthday, Mom.